Tele and SMS marketing.

Tele-marketers are a real pain in the ass. Until recently they were considered acceptable yet irritating. But now, they have become unbearable because except Chat Bhandars and Pan Shops, every company does Tele Marketing. They call at the wrongest of the hours and occasions and rob you of your mental peace faster than Arnab Goswami. The other day I was watching a movie with a friend and I got a call offering me open plots at a place 60 kms away from Hyderabad. I bargained for Rs. 5 a square yard and then she had to hang up.
Insurance and credit cards selling women on telephone have a style of their own. Let's see what are the most frequently used lines they use and what they actually mean

• We're offering a life-time free credit card - (We want to screw you for life)
• This is regarding wealth management - (Lose your money in three easy steps) 
• This is regarding Financial Planning - (We're here to confuse you)
• You are a valuable customer - (We aren't done squeezing you yet)
• We are offering personal loans - (Slavery on offer for limited period. Interested?)
• We have some exciting insurance products - (Exciting insurance products is like saying Masculine Ranbir Kapoor)
• Would you be interested in investment opportunities? - (Do you hate money?)
• Do you own any credit card? ( Aren't you in deep shit already?)

Marketing Monkeys all over India think that anything can be sold by tele-calling. Insurance, Banking, Real Estate is still ok. Here is a list of things that are being sold today and make absolutely no sense at all.

• 'Bachpan' play school lady called me in the afternoon and asked, "Do you have children from 3 to 7 yrs old who need admission in a playschool?". I said, "No. My daughter is 5 months old.", She said, "Ok sir, I will call you after two years." WTF?
• Hetero Pharmacy lady called me and asked, "Do you need any medicines?" (WHY THE F*** should anyone need medicines and you're calling me to sell medicines?) Kill that marketing joker.
• Weight loss packages sold on phone, "Are you fit enough?", I wanted to say, "Ask your sister." (apologies, but couldn't help writing this one)

Another dumb thing invented is SMSes marketing. Some of the dumbest SMSes I got are.

• Unhappy? Worried? Make new friends (Thank you, I have enough friends. Why don't you honestly say 'Meet new f*** buddies')
• Free UK Visa. Study in UK. Spot Admissions (Not interested in begging abroad.)
• MBA from Sikkim Manipal University (Another MBA? Thank you. Already ruined once. No way.)
• Buy one meduim pizza, get one cock free, Buy one large pizza, gat two cocks free. (Pizza Den, you need English Guru)
• Good news, beat the recession, HDFC offers personal loans....(How can you best the recession with a personal loan? It is like saying eat Masala Dosa and get a high. Assholes.)
• Your phone no was chosen for a $ 234,999,000 reward. (Nigerian Scam now on GSM and CDMA)

- Deepak Karamungikar