Infinite Stupidity

Some people have the habit of talking out of context and out of turn. And when they do, they make a mockery of themselves. I have known a few people who have said something that's irrelevant and as out of context as Kangna Ranaut in a Martin Scorsese movie. Let me narrate three incidents where people have said things which they aren't supposed to, but the lack of common sense coupled with a bad sense of context has resulted in disasters.

Incident 1: I had a friend, let's name him S. He considered himself the greatest cricket fan on earth. He has all qualities I have mentioned in the first paragraph. One day in 1997, there was a match going on between India and Sri Lanka . S lived about 200 steps away from my old home. That day, at about 4.00 pm, I had just returned from school and was watching cricket on our B/W TV. S arrived at my place with a disappointed face and as he opened the gate, in a loud voice, he asked me, "What is the score?" I replied, "22 for 3". Then he said, "I just saw it was 21 for 2". I said, "Arey, Rahul Dravid just got out." And the reply he gave left me speechless. He said, "How can he get out without my knowledge?" (నాకు తెలవకుండా ఎట్లా అవుట్ అయ్యిండు ?)

Incident 2: There's a marketing expert with two decades of experience, one of my relatives. He is the only one who can speak English in his entire family history and hence, he is internally considered God. Reality comes to light when you speak to him. Anyway, lets call him D.  In 1992, One day D's grandmother passed away and they wanted a death certificate from a doctor so that the last rites could be performed at the cemetery. Unluckily that day, it was some holiday and it was tough to get a doctor who could certify the old lady dead. So they ventured out on a scooter scouting for an open clinic. Another of my distant cousin went along with him and they found one clinic open somewhere inside Secunderabad and that night, there was a power cut. Looking at the red-cross, they entered and explained the situation to the doctor inside, an elderly man. After listening to them, he politely said, "Since there is no power, you may have not read it outside, but I am a veterinary doctor." To which, dynamic D replied, "Sir, a doctor is a doctor,  charge how much you want to . But please give us the certificate."

Incident 3 The same man in Incident 2, the next day, with the same cousin of mine, went to purchase the articles required for cremation like an earthen pot, rope, bamboos, dry grass, etc. In Secunderabad, there are shops which exclusively sell these articles. You just have to tell them the caste of the deceased and they give you everything that is needed for the last journey of the departed. When they went there, they told them the caste and the helper in that shop started packing the articles one after the other. Once the bundle was ready, he told them the bill was some X amount of Rupees. This man, D the great, started bargaining for a discount and used cheap marketing lingo much to the embarrassment of my cousin. The shopkeeper didn't say a word but his expression said it all. Pitying him, he rounded off the bill to the nearest hundred. Still, D insisted on a further discount and haggled as if he was buying underwear near Charminar. In this process, he uttered a sentence which is the epitome of idiocy across the universe. He said, "Please reduce the price. Next time we will buy from you only."

- Deepak Karamungikar