I am not insulting those who can't speak English. Neither am I making fun of them. There are people who screw up because of false pride. Pretentiousness while speaking English is bound to land you in trouble. When you don't know, admit that you don't. Why unnecessarily become a butt of public jokes?. A few incidents I wanted to share -
- While at college, a friend looked at another one in the balcony of the first floor and said, "Wait, I am coming up!". What the fuck? Are you the next scheduled programme after Agle Janam Mohe bitiya hi keejo? on Zee TV?
- At college, we had a triple post-graduate faculty teaching a senior batch. A highly enthusiastic student asked, "Madam, in layman's words, can you describe what is management?". Our faculty replied, "See ma, many great thinkers have given many different definitions, but I don't know what Mr. Layman gave". That's why they say don't do an MBA at any B School.
- While teaching students an an entrance exam coaching institute, I asked, "If a south paw is a left-hander, what do you call one who uses both hands efficiently?" A boy replied, "Bothpaw." F*** my life.
- At a GK basics class to MBA aspirants, I was teaching 'Advertising punchlines'. I asked "Can you give me an example of a punchline?" A student with a belt buckle as big as a 11 inch laptop replied, "Pehle istemaal karein, phir vishwas karen". I said, "In English my friend," He replied, "First use, then do vishwas."
- I have seen people improve from nowhere. One of them is me. But, there are some people too self-centered to listen and too proud to learn. There was a IT faculty in my MBA days who lost his way while speaking English and used to quickly manage to fill in something incoherent. Here are a few of his landmark remarks
- The main function of the router is to route.
- Two data packets collide at a middle point of time.
- As well as, if the this.
- Most probably if you try to look at, this particular this thing is very good for this thing.
- If you cannot store it in a floppy, then you may have do to it in a godown.
- Slowly slowly, the data becomes more and more morer.
- If you push, it will pop.
- If you try to look at an instrument called, idly cooker cooker
- The summary of Ramayana is stealing another man's wife
- Deepak Karamungikar
20 comments:
haha. gems.
good One...mai Anglis iss impruvin.. :P
One of my friend goes to a computer insitute and asks "what what courses do you teach" imagine controlling your emotions at that time !!
i still remember the so called "IT Faculty"...Even we used to wonder about how and what kind of dialect was being used...hahahah
Good one sir! Many students here also wont accept that they are weak in English, and will not try to learn but forever go on speaking/writing incorrect stuff proudly :-(
"I have seen people improve from nowhere. One of them is me." How egoistic is that? And, are there any others or were you referring to yourself only?
"I have seen people improve from nowhere. One of them is me." How egoistic is that? And, are there any others or were you referring to yourself only?
Nice One !!!!
Even i had one such professor in my college.....some of his famous quote's were:
-- When asked about his family he replied , "i have a wife, two sons, both are boys." WTF!!
-- No apron. then bye canteen (He means buy in the canteen).
* This one is ridiculous.
-- Open the doors of the windows let the air force come in. :-)
See when you push it will pop, but after how many months - that's the question :D I'm sharing this one!!!
In English at times we say"CONTEST" but it sounds CUNT-TASTE or 'COMING' which sounds CUMMING.English can be improvised with lots of practice and patience.
its 'an enthusiastic', not 'a enthusiastic'
@Anonymous - Thank you Sir. Corrected it.
hahaha hillarious :D ... :D
English is a weird language but when people interfere it just becomes weirder..
This is a funny post but I think the problem of communication we face is really serious
Good one Deepak. I have nothing more to say since My english is not good and I should not comment on others as well.
LMAO....
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hahaha... Nice one. We used to write down many of such funny sentences during our regular classes. Of them, I can remember only one master piece... "I know you people are laughing in front of my back when I rotate towards the blackboard" :).
The real problem is people translate their sentence from their native language to English as they speak. Thats how they end up with funny sentences.
while I was interviewing one candidate.....I asked him abt his family to which he replied....."I have one housewife"...I was wondering if he had more :(
good one!
ROFL
Agree with Nagraj's comment above. Remember the question I had asked two years ago about which language you think your poems in? I had told you of the distinct Indian flavor I get in your poems then.
Anyways... here are a few gems from my experiences...
* Morning morning so hot it was, I was all sweat sweat only.
Imagine my horror, this was my kid's teacher. Only I know how hard I had tried to keep a straight face. :P ( By far my favorite. )
* I telled you no in the evening of yesterday only.
* Another favorite... "What you saying andi?( a common way of addressing people in Telugu). A North Indian friend heard and said... "O! Your pet name is Andi?? "
I was like FML. :-/
This one is my son's friend... one of our neighbors here in US.
* " Aunty, is 'A' wented out? "
( Implying to ask if 'A' my son has gone out.) At which I replied something like... "He may vent as much as he wants, it'll make no difference. You may vent out too. "
His reply was... " I am already out aunty. "
( My kids stood behind the wall and laughed their guts out and the kid had no clue what he'd said wrong or the sarcasm/pun in my words. )
Another one from the same kid... "Aunty, I camed at 4:00 and knock-knocked. 'A' had telled me to come later. "
I indulge in quite a bit of word play( PG rated only) with my kids, specially my son who is pretty deft with words and puns. His friend's archaic and grammatically wrong mistakes make for interesting goof-ups which he has not clue about. And when I try to correct him, he has no clue of what I am talking about. It's like his mind blocks out grammatically correct sentences.
My kids got back at me for trolling their friends when one of the kid's mom complimented me... "You are a very good cooker andi."
My kid made a deadpan face and said.."Ya amma, you are a good cooker." The lady had no clue of the sarcasm in my kid's comment and added jubilantly... "See, even 'T' is agreeing, you are a good cooker."
I remember Baburao Apte's famous dialogue at such instances. :P
Worse is the advent of SM. I have nieces, nephews in AP who post silly forwards of cats pics. and baby pics... and their friends comment like " So sweet pussy yaaa."
I am at a loss of words at such instances. I unfollow them instantly.
In most cases a harmless goof up is fun. :) Irritating, but fun. :)
Jitu
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