Observations, here and there... The First Job

There's this species called just-got-my-first-job-after MBA which is irritating at times. One year into the job and you see their confidence shoot up like a fountain and drench others around them. They will begin every official conversation with "We're a company that's into..." and then whether you like it or not, in the next three minutes, they will explain their organization's "About Us" page and show you a couple of visuals from their "Gallery" section, verbally though. He thinks minutes of the meeting is the duration of the meeting and will often use words like 'cut ice', 'and 'touch base' irrespective of what they mean.

When you  meet them outside, they will start the conversation with, "I'm with XYZ. I'm an Assistant Manager. I handle marketing and report to the CEO / I handle all AP/ handle south India, etc." The last line in most cases is a loud fart from the wrong end of the digestive system.  

Even in general, they can't keep mouth shut and in just one year of experience, they say things like "I've seen that market / I know the trend / i know what sells in the market." When you meet them at a bar or a pub, despite loud music pumping into your ears, he will explain, "We are into a lot of XYZ. I am the youngest manager in our company. (another gas bag bursts)" and ask for your visiting card. He will force you to lend your mobile number and will never call. 

After drinks, he will start boasting about some guy in his office and how brilliant he is. He will also say that he's been lucky working under him. Irrespective of your consent, he will tell you his favorite man's biography which is as boring as watching a stranger's marriage video. Another thing that is noticeable is the boasting about their company's foreign presence. "We have offices in London, New York and Singapore" is what he will say where as the message is that he can be transferred to those offices anytime. But even he knows that can never happen with a shady Indian MBA. 

When he goes to attend marriages or functions, all relatives treat him as if he has won an Olympic Gold. There, if you notice them, with head high, chest up and chin up, he will use a couple of management terms like 'market share' and 'core competence' and gain undeserving respect from the ignorant sections of the society. This species will use three English words per sentence while speaking to his Aunts and Uncles. But, in reality, he is actually trying to attract that girl in the blue dress who he will see again only at the next function with a kid in her arms. 

At school and college reunions, these guys have a habit of taking their wallet out and checking their mobile for new messages again and again. Wallets are chosen carefully so that when opened, all credit cards are displayed properly. Only he knows that the outstanding amount due is forty five thousand which he will not repay anytime soon and the collection agent's  threatening call still fresh in his ears. He will take out a five-hundred rupee note and say, "No change yaar" and escape paying the bill or pick up the whole bill when there are girls around. The second option hurts him for two days.

At the mechanic shop, he will speak to the guy in English. But, he will find it difficult to understand what the waiter at the Pizza Hut said. He automatically will become  Paulo Coelho ,Shiv Khera and Chetan Bhagat's fan. He will join the Sudoku and Puzzles community on Orkut even though he has never solved a Sudoku grid completely.

 

This I'm-the-dude attitude is at its peak when a new girl is introduced to him through some common friend and there begins another round. He will begin saying, "All through my career, I have always...." as if he has two decades of experience. To impress that-posh-girl, He will put Spanish and French origin idioms as status messages on Facebook and Twitter after Googling for its meaning. Then when she asks him on chat about what it means, he will feel happy that he has made it in life.That day, he will also reveal his entrepreneurship plans to that girl and say, "I hate working under someone." 

 The real picture of his intellect comes out when you ask him to write an official email. 'Might' becomes 'mait', there is no difference between 'their' and 'there', There are three exclamation marks after every alternative line,  Grammar is a stranger and vocabulary, an enemy. When you ask him anything that's outside his narrow spectrum, he will simply say, "I'll get back to you".

- Deepak Karamungikar