Ameerpet to America

When Ameerpet educated software engineers get a visa to the USA, their life changes. Suddenly you see him wearing Nike shoes and goggles and he won't stop for more than a minute and says, "I have a lot of work. Shopping, etc.". He will get busy and there are celebrations at home. Some friends become truly happy and few become jealous. A party is announced where about eleven men cram themselves in one corner of a bar and make lot of noises and the guy pays a Rs.3000 bill and everyone forgets about it the next day. Out of those eleven, only two come to drop him at the airport.

When he gets there, he lives in fear of getting mugged by a stoned black man but in pictures, he wears goggles and writes some random names under it like some Kansas hill, Nebraska  Chowrasta etc. And when his friends here comment "Awesome pics dude", his ego gets masturbated. And in his Ameerpetized SMS English, he replies, "tks man. hw r u? I m cumming in Decmbr" which also unintentionally exposes his self-imposed chastity. 

The problems arise when he arrives in India. While coming back, he buys a Johnny Walker or a Chivas Regal on his way back and treats his friends. And then, this is what people have to bear with apart from looong stories about their adventures in USA which are more boring than personality development lectures.

• There's so much pollution here, its so clean in the US (forgot how you played cricket in mud )
• The roads are so sexy there (Oh my God. Tried anything new?)
• Handycam, Digicam, Laptop, iPOD displayed in drawing room with comments like, "I'm not sure if we can get this handycam's battery here" (It means, "Show me that shop")
• People have no traffic sense, In the US, they're so disciplined (HA HA HA)
• I drink only mineral water
• Goggles even at 10 pm in a Pub.  (Why Why Why?)
• Let's go to a decent place man (You ate bread omlette outside Lamba theater, forgot?)
• I need to go to a spa (You argued with the barber for making cutting+shaving Rs. 60 from Rs. 50 forgot?)
• Oh, this toilet is so dirty (Forgot Sulabh Complex that day? liar)
• Money is not the problem. I want best quality (Forgot we used to adjust everything in Rs. 150 and you paid the least?)
• I'm a associate consultant in the US (glorified typist who uses Google. Secretly, his Kuladevata has changed to Sergey Brin and Larry Page for inventing Google)
• Auto rickshaw is an insult. Only cab. (Foot-boarded on RTC bus entire student life.)
• I don't like noise. (ARRGGGH)
• Speaks to a mechanic, pan-shop wala, autowallah, waiter,etc. in English
• Uses FREAKIN before saying anything (Ask for the meaning next time you hear it)
• Cars in the US are more comfortable than here (Wow, is it?)
• I can't digest spicy food you know (I know, secretly you eat spicy chicken curry  sent by colleagues wife and eat pickles, liar)
• That is cheap shit (You borrowed your shoes for farewell party, forgot?)
• At a showroom, when everyone's listening, he says "I need something that suits my personality" (He means, "You know I'm from the US")
• He looks at any queue and says, "This is ridiculous" (Forgot how you used to come out with tickets even as your shirt got unbuttoned and torn in the Rs. 10 ticket queue on the 1st day of any Chiranjeevi movie.)
• I saw a strip show (Thankfully, we don't have it here.)
• India will never change 

- Deepak Karamungikar 

(P.S. Ameerpet is the place in Hyderabad where about 2000 institutes teach different computer software courses to aimless young men)