Hypocritical Opportunistic Flatterers

'Make hay while sun shines', goes an old saying but when people make hay even when the Sun doesn't shine, they are called opportunists. They are there all over us making use of every possible opportunity. I've met a few who show a lot of affection and love when you meet them. But, when you realize what happened, it's too late.

 

When you get a good job or you move abroad or you start a new business or you acquire a new property, out of the blue, new friends and relatives are born. It's the same guy who would have insulted you and made fun of you in the past, now is trying to rub shoulders with you. Aunts' whose mental torture your mother had to bear all these years, now have become your Mom's  pseudo-best friends. Jealousy isn't visible on the faces anymore and they all have become we-are-a-closely-knit-family and we-love-you and you-don't-waste-your-time-doing-this-work-I'll-take-care, etc. while the motives vary from scouting for new business opportunities to grooms to bridegrooms to all expenses paid trips.

During your growing up years and as well as in college, guys and girls are befriended only because they know some guy or girl or vice-versa. But when they want to make friendship with you only because you know some girl or boy, this is the shit you hear from them:

• You're such an interesting person
• I know you can do it
• You have some great talent
• It will be a cakewalk for you
• You are a nice guy and so on

And once the ladki/ladka is pataoed, there you go, he /she has no time for you. And they say, "Hiiiiieeeee, long time, let's meet one day" and some people just pick up a fight and get pseudo-pissed off and get away.


At work, when you have such people, it is easy to spot them.They are present in office even on days when they are sick and say, "I have a bad throat" and make a phone call to the boss and speak in that screwed up voice to ensure they get their points for dedication-to-duty. Even otherwise, they talk only when the boss is listening or when they are confident that the news will get delivered because of some henchman in the vicinity. This is what you get to hear from these hypocritical creatures.

• I can't live without coming to office
• Our boss is really great
• This company is my family
• I will never leave this company
• Working here is so much fun
• I have no life apart from this company and my family (HUH) 

Some of the actions that can be associated with them

• Last to complain about anything
• Give unnecessary advice when inside boss's cabin and you also are around
• Threaten subordinates by saying, "If boss comes to know, he will bash us up"
• Keeps full information about boss and his family's whereabouts
• Arrive early and leave late even if they have no work to do
• Send e-mails ccing everyone at odd hours like 11.55 pm or 3.15 am
• Buy gifts for the boss even when back from honeymoon

- Deepak Karamungikar