Silence...

Frenzied by the breeze, she stood on the hill

Engulfed in her fragrance, he froze still

Clouds obscured the sun but a speck lit up her face

No roar of lightening could end his gaze

Horizon silhouetted as the sky darkened grey

She glanced at him and put his gloom at bay

He walked closer but she seemed too far

When his eyes met hers, clouds were at war

It drizzled in his heart as he touched her hand

The whole world changed like with a magic wand

His soul fluttered as her hair danced to the breeze

She smiled once and his heart was at ease

It then rained hard and rekindled the fire

In each other’s embrace they found a mire

 - (c)  Deepak Karamungikar

DON'T TALK RUBBISH: K Kesava Rao to start spoken English classes.

Senior Congress leader Mr. K Kesava Rao has decided to start Spoken English classes after he finishes his current agitation. He was impressed with the cheering he received recently after a press conference to a English News Channel. He is confident that this move, will make him quite popular among the people and also help people learn English in the current global environment. 

Mr. Kesava Rao is known for his Cambridge-esque vocabulary. And his grammar expertise makes him a No. 1 among all the congress leaders in the region. He is also well appreciated by the people of the region and the news media equally. He has been at the forefront of all the issues and has been actively involved in speaking to the media. Last time he gave a interview at a national news channel, its TRP rose by 400%. 

After observing a series of interviews on TV and his speeches, 'prajalu, yuvakulu' (people, especially youth) have come up with this demand that he starts Spoken English classes so that every one can join and try to become like him. Owing to the public demand and wave of appreciation, he has decided to give in. The spoken English course will be delivered in 2 phases - 

Phase 1. Speaking in English. 

Phase 2. Making people understand in Telugu/Hindi/Urdu. 

The fees for the course is yet to be decided, but already 2000+ students have enrolled for the course. Parents in their workplaces have already started competing and are of the opinion that their kids' life will settle and a few of them are also thinking of getting good marriage proposals for their children. 

- D K 

*No intention to hurt anyone. Just for fun. Pure Satire. Nothing Else.*

DON'T TALK RUBBISH: Harry Potter fanatic carries broomstick to office

Howlesh Kumar of Hyderabad has been a Harry Potter fan for over a decade now. He was in school when he first read the 'Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone' and has been living HP ever since. He  was so excited when the first part of the movie released that he got himself the same glasses which Daniel Radcliffe wore and also continues to wear them. 

He has been excited ever since he heard of the release of the last installment of the series on film. 'I love Harry and gang. I can't imagine, we are 7 parts old now. And this is gonna be the last part,' he said emotionally as his friend handed him over his handkerchief. 

But he did something no other fan in the world had managed. Howlesh was excited and emotional at the same time, that he actually entered his office with a broom stick between his thighs, although he didn't fly.

Howlesh wanted to buy an authentic Nimbus 3000 broomstick, but when he went to Begum Bazaar, he found only Monkey and 555 brands and settled for a Monkey brand broomstick with plastic handle and 6 months replacement warranty. As he entered the office with the broomstick stuck between his thighs, security personnel mistook him for house-keeping staff, but he was soon recognized. Fellow Harry Potter fans cheered and a girl, Shunya, whistled and quickly kissed him on his cheek.

Howlesh spent the whole day walking around the office. He also drilled a hole in his office chair so that the he can insert and adjust the broomstick under his bums when he sits. Howlesh and his broomstick have become an Internet rage now as he is getting ready to watch the premier show of Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows - 2.  Apparently, he has also taken special permission at PVR Cinemas to watch the film sitting on his broomstick. Howlesh and his Monkey broomstick are talk of the HP fan community world over and is also trending on Twitter. Some of the most elite fans believe that this act can actually land him in Hogwarts. 

- Deepak Karamungikar
*Pure Satire. Nothing Serious*

DON'T TALK RUBBISH: HR Executive becomes first person to crack same joke on Orkut, Facebook, Twitter and Google+

Miss. Kamnahi Kyakaroon is a HR executive working in the pay-roll department of an IT company. After her work for the month was done in the first week, she received a Google+ invitation from one of her friend which added to her social responsibilities. Yesterday, she became the first person to successfully crack the same SMS joke on all four websites Orkut, Facebook, Twitter and Google+, (yes all four of them). This achievement is being touted as one of the rarest and the best yet. 

Kamnahi had realized that her boss was absent for the day and in a fit of excitement, she used the same browser to open all four windows and networked with friends. Kamnahi who writes her name as ♛K@mN@hi ♛ on Orkut, has been on Social Networks for the last 6 years. Her display photo has varied from Kajol, Madhuri Dixit, Aishwarya Rai, Trisha and now Genelia. She has over 9 testimonials, 7 of which were force-bartered. The other two were actually text art from a stalker who has been following her for years now.

Her Facebook where she is known as ‘Kamnahi Kyakaroon :D’ account had remained idle for a long time, since she didn't know many of the features. However, Farmville, Fishville and Astrology apps interested her and she started using Facebook. Today, she is a proud user of 300 apps and has been tagging people in over 2000 photographs which make no fucking sense whatsoever. She probably is also the first lady to click on all video viruses on Facebook till date. Apart from the app notifications, describing weather, she shares 2 SMS Shayaris, 2-3 EPIC LOLZZ videos and tells the world what she ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Kamnahi on Twitter has as many followers as Antara Mali has fans. So, let’s not discuss about it. Last week, Kamnahi received a Google+ invite and she hasn’t been trying to figure out what to do with it although she has been going around in circles. To her rescue, came the tech geek from office who is currently stalking her. He helped her figure out stuff and she agreed to go out for coffee with him. Yesterday, when she saw that there was nobody to bug her at work; she accomplished the rare achievement of cracking the same SMS joke on Orkut, Facebook, Twitter and Google+ with extraordinary results. She got over 30 scraps, 18 Likes, 1 RT and 12 +1s.

Kamnahi attributes her success to her hard work and persistence. She said, ‘See, like, you know, I mean, you know, I am on Orkut. Orkut is like a God to me. But, time is moving fast. We also have to move. So, I have to catch up. Facebook status is like a daily chore to me. Also, I would like to thank the geek sir who helped me achieve this, without him, It would have been so difficult to crack same joke on 4 platforms!,’ she said. However, she refused to comment on her single digit follower count on Twitter.

- Deepak Karamungikar

*Pure Satire. Nothing Serious*

Image is used only for effect. Source: topnews.in

DON'T TALK RUBBISH: Obsessed by Delhi Belly, s/w engineer calls his boss 'Bhos***e'

Pappu Bewakoofkar until yesterday was a software engineer with a project in hand (usually a rare combination). But life changed for him after he watched the movie 'Delhi Belly'. He was awed by the use of swear-words in the movie that he watched the movie 5 times in one week. Especially when one of the actors said 'bho****ke,' without any context, he laughed out hysterically. Pappu comes from a conservative family and has always secretly enjoyed swear-words. 

On Wednesday, when he reached office, he was greeted well by everyone. But at lunch, in the cafeteria, he was reminded of the hilarious scene where one of the actors takes a shit and finds that there is no water in the toilet. He laughed out loud. When his boss, who was sitting at the adjacent table asked him, 'What happened?', he promptly replied, 'Chup bhosdike'. There was a deathly silence when he said it, but Pappu kept walking towards the counter singing 'Bhaag DK bose DK bose...'. 

When Pappu realized what happened, it was too late. His boss' colleagues were ROFLing. When this was taken to HR's notice, Pappu was taken to task and was handed over his termination letter and was asked to leave the premises immediately. Other software engineers were found gossiping about Pappu and one of the girls said, 'Kya ch***ya hai, pata nahi behe****d kab gali deni hai, kab nahi deni. Gali kabhi waste nahi honi chahiye'. 

While Pappu's boss is not having a good time facing everyone in the office, he was heard saying 'Izzat nikaal di bho****e ne,' 

- Deepak Karamungikar

*pure satire. nothing serious*

DON'T TALK RUBBISH: Ad film maker with an IQ of 120 discovered.

Inspired by my childhood favorite TV programmes, 'Ulta Pulta', 'Flop Show' and by the famous 'Faking News', I thought even I should give Satirical News a try. I will call this series 'DONT TALK RUBBISH'. I hope you will like it as much as you like my short stories and blog posts. The first one in the series is here.

DON'T TALK RUBBISH: Ad film maker with an IQ of 120 discovered. 

If the sources are to be believed, the unimaginable has happened. An advertising film maker with an IQ of 120, yes, 120 has been discovered. However impossible it may seem, there actually exists an Indian ad film maker with such high IQ. Meet Mr. Ashish Dimagwala, the smart ad film maker. 

Ashish Dimagwala was found selling Vada Pav near Juhu chowpaty. An old colleague from the intelligent-days of TV advertising instantly recognized. Apparently, Ashish has a very sad story to tell. 'I was sacked because I was intelligent and could make good ads,' he said with tears in his eyes. 'There was no place for someone like me. Our industry needs people with IQ in the range of 20-25. Some freshers also come in with an IQ of 5 and make the Idea and DoCoMo ads'

Before he was sacked, Ashish Dimagwala was under tremendous pressure to make dumb ads but given his natural instincts, he failed at every attempt and was finally sacked. He was often ridiculed and tortured for being smart. His colleagues found him unsuitable for the industry. ‘They used to say itna dimag lekar kya karega?’ he said as tears rolled out of his eyes. ‘They also tried to brainwash me, but I didn’t listen to them,’ he added.

Ashish Dimagwala is now a happy man selling Vada Pav and is soon going to expand by starting five more branches. He doesn’t want to get back to ad films any more. ‘I was scared that I would become like them. But luckily I survived the retardedness around me. They had started a movement on the lines of ‘Size Zero’ called ‘IQ Zero’ that was when the DoCoMo ad was being made and I was sacked,’ he said.

On the other hand, Ad Filmmaker’s Association of India has denied all such rumors and has termed Ashish Dimagwala as ‘Fraud’.  ‘It is impossible for any ad film maker in India to have an IQ of anything above 40. 120 is a ridiculous number and I think Mr. Dimagwala is a fraud and is trying to gain some cheap publicity. We, on behalf of the agency deny the existence of any such professional,’ said Mr. Ch. Nandan, the chairman of AFAI who personally boasts of an IQ of 2.5.

Denying allegations of intelligence, Ch. Nandan said, ‘If you want, you can check all the ads on TV. If any of them can be termed as ‘smart’, I am ready to strip in public,’ he said. ‘As an industry, we have never tolerated smartness. It is a fundamental norm. We ensure that all ads we make, especially the FMCG ones are dumb. I promise that we would maintain the same dumbness at all times.’

- Deepak Karamungikar 

*Pure satire. Nothing serious.*