Lekin...

खता हमारी नज़र की नहीं

जादू तुम्हारी अदा में है 

शरारत हमारे नीयत की नहीं 

धोका तुम्हारी अदा में है 

नशा हमारी आदत ही नहीं 

मैखाना तुम्हारी आँखों में है 

तैरना हमरी क़ाबलियत ही नहीं 

गिर्दाब तुम्हारी आँखों में है 

नींद हमारी दुश्मन तो नहीं 

चोरी आपकी नज़र में है

दर्द हमारी फितरत तो नहीं

छुरी तुम्हारी नज़र में है 

दीवानगी हमारी सीरत में नहीं 

जूनून तुम्हारी मुस्कान का है 

बेहयाई हमारी अलामत में नहीं 

जबर तुम्हारी मुस्कान का है 

- दीपक करामूंगीकर 

Castaways

Most of us have been through college and the rest of you will be there soon. If you stop for a moment and let your mind sneak into the past, you will find there was always this guy who had girls around him all the time. I always wondered how these guys manage to get so much estrogen around them. Finding the reasons and researching this subject is as pointless as waiting for a maiden over from Ajit Agarkar. However, I will give it a shot. 

While I was having lunch today at Kritrunga, I saw a guy who had come with another guy and four girls. This guy, sat in between two girls and was trying really hard to impress, I don't know which of those four. He cracked about 6 jokes including putting the plate on his head rolling his eyes in order to look funny before their food arrived and for each of those jokes, he was the only one who laughed. I am sure his moments of joy lasted only till the bill arrived. However, as I walked back to office, I remembered a few of such characters from the past. 

In my Intermedia, I knew of a guy who refused to share the petrol cost with a friend and quoted family problems but the same day bought a dairy milk family pack to give it to a girl who he never saw after college. He was always found in female company. Me and my friend later learned that he wrote the lab records for three of his girl-friends for three full years. Today he is 33 and is unmarried and all his female friends are on his Facebook friends list. What a fucking waste of opportunities.

And then there was another who used to hang out with the girls so much that even if one of them went to the toilet, he would hold her chunni/dupatta and wait outside. There is so much display of platonic affection that if let's say someone falls sick, there's spoon feeding happening during lunch time and if someone is crying, there's hair caressing and shoulder offering that happens. It is an insult to your intelligence to believe that there is no jerking off happening later at home. 

Another thing that pisses me off is the nicknames these girly boys get. Suddenly one day, all girls start calling him 'Chinnu'. And he nods his head like the decorated bull that comes to your doorstep on the next day of Sankranti. He will do their work, bring samosas for them, drop them home without expecting a thanks, everyday and buy chocolates for them when he is angry with them. 

The saddest part of their lives is that there are beautiful experiences that they missed out being with guys in a gang. While he was sitting in the canteen secretly stealing glances of her cleavage but pretending to do combined study, the other guys were getting a high playing cricket. While he attended the class just because the girls are attending, the other guys were throwing strips of newspapers in the air and screaming and dancing on the first day of a movie in a theater.

While he was showing off his smart alecness  to the girls, he missed out on being smart. 

- Deepak Karamungikar


Note: No intention to hurt women/girls. Just that it is a guy thing. 

Observations here and there: Corporate Dogs

Some people take their jobs and position in the corporate sector so seriously that they carry it wherever they go. I have found people say things like, ‘Mujhe mazaak samajhra kya? Mai India ke No. 1 company ka manager hun!’. Now this is exactly the kind of attitude that pisses me off. Assholes don’t realize that their job and position and respect cease to exist outside that building where he blows his seniors.

Problems begin when he tries to show off his job skills at home, especially when some relatives are around and when there is a marriage or a function, you get to see some industrial-grade douchebaggery. Simple things like, you bring vegetables, I will go for groceries and let the women shop for the clothes are given hyperbole extensions by naming this plan as ‘Division of Labor’ and five minutes are spent on explaining the concept to your grandfather who built and maintained such a large family.

At a marriage, especially when you are from the bride’s side, you are very tired at the end of the day and are searching for a place to sleep in the large function hall and you end up sleeping in the same corner as he is, you get constellation-fucked. When your eyelids struggle to close, he will begin his session on ‘How to make a list of goals for a career and personal life and synchronize the two to maintain an effective work-life balance’ which he would have learnt at one of those phukat-ka-chai-samosa trainings which HR conducts to keep their jobs. It takes immense courage to overcome family obligations and request him to shut the fuck up. Even when the marriage is going on, be careful not to sit beside him, for he, despite the trumpets and drums, will continue to perform fellatio on your cerebrum with his discourses on how he manages sixty people in a team and why he is the youngest manager in the country.

If you meet him soon after he has come back after a foreign trip, the disrobing of your sanity begins with sentences like  “In US/UK/Singapre, they have a.....” or “I just came back last week...” or “The weather in US/UK/Singapore is so.....” and ends only after he has orgasmed on pride that he has seen more places than you and you get mesmerized in wonder of his achievements.   

If you are travelling with one of these office obsessed obnoxious orifices, then you had it. All along, he will explain how his manager entrusts him with even the highest priority assignments like ensuring every client gets coffee when they visit, etc. He will explain how he farts on different colored excel sheets. He might also tell you how his boss wanted him a report at 2.00 am and he woke up and completed the report and slept at 5.00 and was again in office at 9.00.

Someone should tell such people that work is only a part, albeit important, it shouldn’t eclipse the the better part of your life. Its impact must end the moment you step out of the office. Even if you are a Vice-president or chairman or whatever, it hardly matters to your relatives and friends. What matters is that you should remember that your position and designation does not give you an erection.

-        -   Deepak Karamungikar