Election Special!

The 2014 Lok Sabha Elections were full of rush, excitement and amazing moments. It had its share of unpleasantness as well. But it was an awesome experience overall. This is how I enjoyed the build up to the elections! 

• Happy Birthday Sachin Tendulkar, the former Indian opening batsman who scored 34 ducks in international cricket. || This is how Indian media treats Narendra Modi.

• ND Tiwari's SMS to Digvijaya Singh: "Bachelor Party kab hai?"

• Amartya Sen is like Hodor from Game of Thrones. Every now and then he comes around, says "Modi not good", "Modi not good" and goes away. And nobody cares.

• BREAKING: Mamta demands special status for Bangladesh. #FakingNews

• Right Now: (On May 8, 2014)
  Modi: Rally in Varanasi.
  Rahul: Campaigning.Sonia: Staring into defeat.Kejriwal: Trying hard to hold ground in Varanasi Mamta: Tensed about Bengal ...Digvijaya Singh: MakeMyTrip--> Honeymoon Packages.

• Hey NDTV and CNN-IBN, here's a math problem for you:
  
  
  Calculate the amount of FAILURE when a consistent 12-year hate campaign against ONE MAN fueled by spinning lies, propaganda and deceit, powered by online and offline pseudo-secular intellectualism and billions of rupees fizzles out like a silent fart. (5 marks)

• Two minutes silence for everyone who gave up years of friendship for supporting 'a particular party' in this election because you're neither getting that party and nor are you likely to get the friend back.

• Arnab Goswami's Times Now has confessed a mistake and they've corrected their exit poll numbers. The last time Arnab said sorry was when he was 10 and he continued to bat after getting out three times and the bowler's father had to intervene.

• Year 2023. Aliens have destroyed earth.
  ---------------------------------------------
  
  
  It was a dark stormy night. LJ was the last person remaining on earth. For three years, he had been living alone on earth as the alien apocalypse had destroyed all human kind. Too tired to live and too proud to die, he walked like a vagabond taking undestroyed portions of terra firma as pathways. That fateful night, after the longest walk of his life, reeling under the cloud of despair, he reached a cave that glowed. There was a fire burning inside it. He walked inside and found a piece of paper and a pen - the only recognizable objects he had seen in three years. He held the pen in his hand as it shivered. With adrenalin tsunamis pumping inside him, he put the tip to the paper. After a moment, a tear rolled out of his eyes for the joy of holding a pen. His heart cried as he laughed hysterically and when he gathered composure, without a second thought, the only thing LJ, the Liberal Journalist wrote was - "There is no Modi wave".

• Rahul Gandhi has left the country two days before the poll results. His 'escape' velocity is higher than that of Jupiter!

• Shobha De's political analysis on NDTV.
  Aunty, you're on the wrong show. You should be on "Entertainment ke liye kuch bhi karega". 

• Eons ago, a righteous God-king lived a life of penury and impecunious exile for fourteen years, devoid of all the riches and glory he rightfully deserved. But guess what, at the end of it, he emerged as the harbinger of a new era. His Golden rule was after that exile. Bharat Mata, you're at that point now. Glory and Riches hence further, for, the exile is now over.

• What is the procedure to hire the Hubble Telescope? Trying to locate the Aam Aadmi Party.

• Hello, what did you say? "there is no Modi..." What? Hello hello....hello...."there is..." What? I can't hear you, speak louder..."....Modi..." What? Come again? Beeep Beeep Beeep Beeep....     #ModiWave

• Arnab to his reporter: "I can hear crackers behind you!"
  Bhai Arnab, you should have said this a while ago to Sanjay Jha!

• Two things I want to do: 
  - watch NaMo's swearing in ceremony live on NDTV.
  - watch CBN's swearing in ceremony on Sakshi TV. 
  
  
  Vengeance is a dish best served when soul is not sold.

• अभी अभी खबर आई है के नितीश कुमार का अहंकार बिहार की सारी सीटो में पीछे चल रहा है!

• Amit Shah went to UP and achieved 73 out of 80. That's like sending a professor to Mahboob College and he sends 91% of them to NASA as scientists.
• The most amazing outcome of this BJP victory is that Renuka Chowdhary has discovered a concept in Physics called 'low pitch'.
• Nandan Nilekani lost the election from Bangalore South. Blow to Bangladesh.

• Amartya Sen and Rakhi Sawant have had the same impact on these elections. And economy. And bollywood. And either. And all three together. FTW! #MathIsFun

• लालू प्रसाद यादव जी के पास अब हार मानने के अलावा कोई "चारा" नहीं!

• Breaking: In the absence of a credible opposition in the Lok Sabha, BJP to use 3D holographic projection to create one.

• So at the end, Congress' seat tally is somewhere between Rahul Gandhi's IQ and Narendra Modi's chest size.

• People feeling sad about Manmohan Singh's speech are the same ones who want Balika Vadhu to continue for another ten years. 

  #TheekHai #StronglyCondemn
  

• Nitish Kumar has resigned as Bihar CM. 

  
  

  Somewhere, in 4K ultra high definition, in infrared filter, at 80000 frames per second ultra slow motion, and with Hans Zimmer background music of a 108 piece orchestra, Amit Shah is turning his head toward Bihar and beginning to smile as he runs his hand over his head.

• Divine Ganga Arati at Varanasi, but multiple massive smokeless fires reported from TV studios!

• ఇప్పుడె అందిన వార్త: అంబాటి రాంబాబు ఇంత్లొ హై వొల్టెజ్ వల్ల కాఇల్ కాలి ఆగిపొయిన ఫ్యాను!

• First meeting in USA:

  
  
  

  Obama: We have FBI, CIA, NSA, CIGI, AFISRA, NGA, MI, MCIA and ONI.

  Modi: Turns left and smiles.

• Mani Shankar Aiyar is the S.I. unit of failure.

• The Economist magazine has come up with a cover story on why NaMo is unfit to be a PM. Hello uncle, funny that the impact your magazine has in India is limited to being a print ads question in Brand Equity Quiz.